How one American made a complete idiot of herself, and how to make sure you don’t do the same

By Meghan O’Connell

It is a glorious day. The sun has just burned off the last of the morning clouds and is now glittering along the Vltava. I feel perfectly content—except that I am terribly hungry.

As I make my way down the path leading away from the Prague Castle and back into town, something catches my eye. Amidst the vibrant foliage and mini-vineyards, sits a large patio overlooking the entire city.

Small tables are covered in pristine white cloths and dotted with crystal-clear wine glasses. In the early afternoon sunlight, it looks almost holy. I must eat here.

Approaching the entrance of Villa Richter, I look at the menu and settle on the “Traditionally Cured Ham with Apples and Horseradish Sauce.” It costs 300 crowns ($15), but the picture looks divine.

Oh the calamity of it all

I stand awkwardly for a few minutes, waiting for the host or hostess, but no one seems to notice me. Maybe I should just seat myself?, I wonder. I decide to go for it and choose a two-person table directly at the edge of the balcony. This is going to be heavenly.

I sit for upwards of five minutes and wonder if perhaps the waiter didn’t see me sit down. I crane my neck behind me and try to get his attention. Eventually, he looks over and I pantomime that I am in need of a menu.

He brings one over and less than a minute later another waiter has come to take my order. Luckily, I already know what I want and in broken Czech, order the ham and a glass of red wine.

Another 30 seconds and I am presented with a basket of bread so large it could have fed a family of four. Five more minutes and my main course is in front of me.

The ham is lukewarm at best. I try to cut around the vast amount of fat inhabiting my piece of meat, but this proves impossible.

The horseradish is bland and I see no apples in sight. There are, however, more than 20 small pickles on my plate.

By the time my wine finally arrives, the food is cold. This fact was irrelevant, however, as I had abandoned the dish long before.

Luckily, the Cabernet Sauvignon I had ordered was vibrantly fruity. It was French and tasted of blackberries. It almost made up for the ham.

But apparently it must also have smelled like honey, because I am soon attacked by bees. Surely this wasn’t the restaurant’s fault, but I couldn’t help from attributing them some of the blame—they had served me a meal only suitable for insects.

I sip my wine and try to concentrate on the beautiful view, but am distracted by at least ten little creatures zooming around my glass, getting dangerously closer to ending up in my throat.

I take the last sip, check the time and realize I only have fifteen minutes before I have to be in class. I ask for the check and try to stifle the urge to slam my hand down on one of the swirling, buzzing creatures, as it would inevitably cause a scene and most likely leave a stain on the white tablecloth.

Ten minutes later, my check is still not here; I am already going to be late for class. Deciding I can’t wait a minute longer, I add up the cost of the meal in my head and leave my money on the table, adding a few extra coins for the big basket of bread.

I proceed to walk very quickly down the remainder of the hill, still feeling quite hungry and, if truth be told, a bit angry. What was wrong with those people!, I mutter under my breath.

Ok, I say to myself, try to be fair. Perhaps I annoyed them in some way thereby warranting the horrible service I received.

In which a foreigner stops taking things personally

I decided it was necessary to do a bit of research on dining etiquette in the Czech Republic to discern if I had done something wrong. I consulted Ladislav Spacek, former spokesman for President Vaclav Havel, etiquette expert and author of “Velka Kniha Etikety” (The Big Book of Etiquette), published in 2005.

“The Americans are not good at etiquette,” he says. “This is a European tradition, dating back to Louis XIV.”

Well, this would certainly explain why I felt clueless during my meal at Villa Richter. There are basic cultural differences between Americans and Czechs that I was unaware of, causing me to be impolite without even realizing.

So I ventured into a dozen other restaurants, all catering to a mostly Czech population, in effort to observe the local behavior.

I was soon mortified to discover that not only had I done something wrong, I had made a cornucopia of mistakes. Let’s review:

Mistake #1: I was awkward and antsy. In the United States, we expect a host to seat us at our table and immediately hand us a menu. In the Czech Republic, people are not so anxious. They enter a restaurant, seat themselves wherever they like and wait. Everything will come eventually– there is no use stressing over it. Relax.

However, notes Spacek, “in the Czech Republic it is possible to seat yourself only in mid-level restaurants and pubs. If you attend a better restaurant, you must wait at the entrance to be seated.”

Mistake #2: I ordered too fast. Spacek explains that when ordering drinks, especially wine, it is appropriate to wait until you have been served before proceeding to order your meal.

In the United States, we tend to order everything at once. In the Czech Republic, people tend to order their drinks, taste them first, and then order their meals.

Spacek says that “it is more polite to sit at the table with a drink and then choose your meal, than to sit in front of an empty table. Choosing a meal can take a long time,” he says. “That is why it is necessary to have something to drink.”

Mistake #3: I rushed my waiter. Spacek speaks of dining in a restaurant as an experience, a ritual even, that is meant to be savored and should not be rushed.

“We sit in restaurants not due a meal but due of social event, that is why we eat as long as possible. If someone wants to eat in a hurry, he can go for fast food, not to a good restaurant.”

Hurrying a meal in the Czech Republic and Europe in general is considered one of the top rude and thoughtless American behaviors.

My waiter was far more considerate than the American waiters I am used to; he didn’t try and hurry me out of the restaurant so he could turn over my table faster, but attempted to give me time to sit and enjoy myself as long as I wished.

But this also meant that he took a while to deliver my check. Next time, I simply need to allow myself plenty of time to eat. I’ll be smart about it and ask for the check long before I need to leave, thereby preventing myself from rushing and aggravating my server.

Mistake #4. I rushed out of the restaurant and left my money on the table. This was rude and disrespectful to my waiter. He was courteous enough to serve me a meal, I should have at least had the decency not to throw my money on the table like it was a piece of food I dropped on the ground.

“Waiters usually respect a slow time of dining,” Spacek says. “That is why they do not rush with meals or bills– because they know that people come to restaurants to spend nice time with conversation.”

My waiter was simply being courteous, even though I was only talking to myself. Leaving the entire bill on the table without receiving a check was clearly inappropriate.

Luckily, I did not stick around to see the reaction of my final faux pas.

While I may have acted like a rube, none of my behavior, says Spacek, ”entitles staff to provide guests by worse or poor service.”

Or really bad food.

Which brings me to the most important dining lesson of all, and it has nothing to do with the Czech Republic.

I was too easily seduced by white table-cloths and panoramic views.

A restaurant with an English-language menu filled with other foreigners and in the center of a tourist zone is likely going to serve over priced meals ranging from bad to mediocre.

No amount of etiquette lessons can make that truth tastier.

***

“Velka Kniha Etikety” by Ladislav Spacek
164 pages, 350 crowns ($17)
Available at Knihkupectvi Academia
Na Florenci 3, Praha 1

Meghan O’Connell is a third-year student at New York University studying acting. She is from Boston, Massachusetts.